Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
