I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
