Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are two peas in an std pod
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
