It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
