Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my sisters under your porch take her home
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
