Who did Billy Mays play for?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
