I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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