I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
