he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
