How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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