The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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