Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
