I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
