I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
