someone threw a dead crab at me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
