i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
