Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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