I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
