eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
