She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
