She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
