The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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