just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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