HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
