thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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