Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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