Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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