if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
