Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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