Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
