Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
