Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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