I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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