Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
