I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
