I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
