If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
