grandma shit on top of the toilet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
