Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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