please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize