I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
