At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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