i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize