took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
