She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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