none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
