fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
