Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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