If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize