Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
