oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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