toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
