I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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