listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
