ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
