my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
