I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
