Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize