That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
