So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
