I'm gonna have a badass scar
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
