Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize