Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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