Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
