i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
