I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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