i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's blow job season.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
