I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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