they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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