You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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