How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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